i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
