didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
