Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
