Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
