There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
