IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
