I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
