ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
