No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
