I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize