the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
