Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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