It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
not ubering you a puppy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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