I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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