Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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