i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
