Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
