Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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