Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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