It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
