I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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