I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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