i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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