Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
