I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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