the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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