Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
