Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's the barista slut.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
