If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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