Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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