I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
