I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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