Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?

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(585): View more from New York

Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole

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(404): View more from Georgia

They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.

(618): View more from Illinois

Disappointment?

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(843): View more from South Carolina

i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

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(770): View more from Georgia

I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.

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(904): View more from Florida

You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL

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(315): View more from New York

They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?

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