My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
