Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd