mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey