how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding