go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.