I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
