They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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