just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
