I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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