Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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