Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
