Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
