You're so nebulous sometimes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
