thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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