Whod you bang
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
