I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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