Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize