2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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