dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
