Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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