It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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