Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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