So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
