I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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