Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
