roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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