Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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