i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
