hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
