My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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