People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
